'He’s Just Not That Into You' is probably best known because of the star-studded cast which featured in the film adaptation of the same name. I watched the movie a few years ago, and thought nothing of it… It was a cheesy-ish rom-com with a Love Actually or New Year’s Eve or Valentine’s Day-type intertwining of relationships. An easy enough watch, but nothing truly riveting.
However, the last time I was in London, I found a charity shop where everything cost just 20p. I basically COULD NOT leave empty handed, but honestly, the shop was so full of crap that the only thing I found even remotely interesting was this book. I picked it up and had a flick through, expecting a trashy novel in the same vain as the film. I am glad to say that wasn’t the case, so I got my money out of my change purse and headed home, not knowing that I was carrying a book which would become my dating bible.
There are just 186 pages in this book, and the information which the book conveys is done so in short paragraphs, mostly in epistolary form… Imagine this, girls just like me all over the world are engaging in dating with various men. And all of those women are encountering (more often than not) problems in their dating careers which can very easily be banished with the one simple phrase, ‘He’s just not that into you.’
So our Agony Uncle is Greg Behrendt… What does he know about OUR very special and unique dating lives? Why is he such an authority on what is going on in our boyfriend’s head when he cancels dates or doesn’t call when he says he will? Who died and made him the king of dating?
Well, as far as I know, no-one died… but in his younger years, he dated many women and cancelled many dinners, movies and phone calls. Behrendt’s theory, is that a guy who is really into his perspective life partner wouldn’t do any of these things without providing a very good reason (and spending the rest of his life making up for it!) His theory is refreshing, and liberating, and obvious, and brilliant, and… a bitter pill to swallow. That is where his co-author comes in. Tuccillo is a currently-dating lady who is beautiful, funny and intelligent, yet can relate to each and every one of the letters which has landed a place in this book. She writes exactly what the average woman is thinking when their brother or father or best guy-friend says, “You know what honey, maybe you should assume from the fact that he has vanished off the face of the earth/hasn’t emailed you back/seems to be back with his ex/sleeps with other girls/treats you like something nasty he trod on that he just isn’t that into you, hmm?” She says, “Oh maybe he has been hit by a bus/lost your email address/got coerced back to his exes bed/is a sex addict/thinks you’re so great that you might leave him and really truly deep down loves you and you will get married and lead a life of happiness.” And yet, as she sounds out Behrendt’s theories, she usually comes to the ultimate conclusion that he is of course right.
Honestly, when I went through the chapters I was so tempted to write pencil note-marks with the names of guys I have dated in that past, guys who the chapter was probably written about! Some of the most surprising (yet very obvious with the benefit of hindsight) revelations I discovered in this book was that a guy is not that into you if he only wants to see you when he is drunk, or if he isn’t having sex with you (tiredness is apparently NOT A REAL THING from a guy that is that into you), or if he doesn’t want to marry you (a guy who is that into you won’t care that his parents had a nasty divorce, or that he isn’t religious, or that he doesn’t like white dresses…)
Seriously, this book has been life-changing for me. The biggest takeaway from it is to remember that even if there is the tiniest inkling that a guy isn’t that into you, you need to hear that message loud and clear and quit wasting your time. Now you don’t need to read the book. Only joking, the book is amazing, let it work its magic and realise how amazing you are and how valuable your time it! And don’t think that this book will only empower you if you are a woman… Sometimes girls are just not that into their boyfriends as well… And sometimes YOU might be the guy that is just not that into the girl and don’t realise how selfish you are being. So read it. And tell everyone you know to read it too.
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